borneolady

Just updates... ;-)

Well well...it's actually been quite sometime every since I updated my blog. =P  Had been quite interesting for the past few months since after Valentine's. In March, I had the opportunity to go China for company's trip. Yoohoo!! It was far more fun than I had expected. I really enjoyed the sceneries in China. It was magnificient. Very relaxing too. And the temperature there was perfect (-4C to 20C). The trip was worthwhile. Thanks to all my colleagues whom had made it so fun. =)   But the trip that I'd been waiting for months wasnt the China trip. It was the cruise trip. The first ever trip with my bf. Hehe.. There were 10 of us. It was so fun! His friends were all funny & crazy people. Enjoyed being there with them. Couldnt imagine what the trip would be like without their wittiness. We went to Krabi, Phuket, Penang & Langkawi. It was enjoyable but I have to admit that I needed a holiday after this holiday. Hehe..After a week's vacation in the cruise, whom would have the energy to work? I need to just warm up my engine first. The first few days at work was http://borneolady.blogs.friendster.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/cruising_to_krabi_phuket_154_1.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href, '_blank', 'width=800,height=600,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false"><img alt="Cruising_to_krabi_phuket_154_1" title="Cruising_to_krabi_phuket_154_1" src="http://borneolady.blogs.friendster.com/borneolady/images/cruising_to_krabi_phuket_154_1.jpg" width="100" height="75" border="0" style="float: left; margin: 0px 5px 5px 0px;" /></a>
unbearable..time seems to pass very slowly...

Then in the month of April, I had this company's event in Port Dickson. It was quite enjoyable, though didnt get to meet my bf (hey we only see each other once a week & that is during the weekends). But he made a road trip with his friend all the way to PD just to have a glance of me. Hehe... or so-called 'spot check' as my colleagues would put it. =P  Then few days after dat was my bro's death anniversary - 26/4/06. Two years after that, the incident seems to be still fresh in my mind. I just couldnt help myself but to cry over it. No one would understand my feelings & what me & my parents had gone through.. My parents went over to Seh Kia Inh to pray my bro. I didnt make it there..How I still wish my bro is here...How i wish he would have come back one day to surprised us, saying he had been actually studying overseas all this while. How nice it would be then! But all this was because..of a jerk's mistake which took my bro's life away..damn big time bastard!! And now..everything changed ever since I lost TC..

On 1/5/08, I finally went to pray my bro. I remembered on that day the sky was cloudy. Could it be my bro still being upset too for leaving us unexpectedly? I 'talked' to TC, telling him that I wish so much he is still around. Telling him, I regretted for not treating him well when he was around. I told him, i still wanted to be his sister the next life. But could he listen? I told TC too, dat life wasnt the same without him. He seems to be the sunshine of the family. I really, really, really wish TC is still around. I wish I could cheer up my parents.

Initially I thought if I had a bf, at the very least it would add to the number in my family. And hopefully would make the loss lesser to my parents.. But it seems like, after hooking with someone, I'm busier than ever. It seems like I have no time for my parents. During weekends, I'll normally spend time with my bf. If only, he can click with my parents, then everything would be fine. But it's just not so him. Dont get me wrong, I'm not complaining abt my bf here. I was just saying, 'if only...' But my bf wasnt the kind of person. So I tried very much making time for them. I'll make sure Sunday is a Family Day, Friday goes out for dinner with parents, etc.. I dont know if there's anything else I could do. Some people tell me that I need to talk to my bf abt it. But..I just dont want to force him.Is there anything else I could do? Can anyone tell me? My parents arent young anymore. Their age is catching up. I dont want them to felt left out. That was why I wanna do so much for them..Can anyone tell me??

Sorry, this blog shouldnt turn into a complain place..I was just too engross with my own feelings. I guess this is just the updates abt me for the time being. As for June, i'll be celebrating my bf's birthday (yeay!! it's the second time we celebrate his bday together) & by end of the month, I'll be having company's mid-year meeting. Haha..An eventful month ahead. =D Adios!! Have a nice time, people. Take care.. *HUGS*

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all!! Hope all of u do have a great day on that day. =) 14.02 is always remember by couples & non-couples to celebrate the love in their lifes. However, how special would it be? Was it too commercialised? What abt the singles? We cant abandon them, can we? Some partner would go as far for their partners. Some will just sit down & rest at home like any ordinary day. Nothing to celebrate abt. Not because they are singles, mind you..hehe...Well, it's just not into their own 'culture'.

I was in MP (Mahkota Parade) on that particular day with my parents. Yes, u got me rite, MY PARENTS. =) Surprisingly, it's all fully booked nearly every restaurant there. WOW!! I didnt know Malacca has so many couples, celebrating that particular day. Every corner i see, I saw couples here & there. Hehe...Well....back in my younger days, I'll always imagine or u could say dreaming ;-P of receiving a bouquet of flowers on this romantic day with candlelit dinner & chocolates (not to forget). hehe...aaahhh...isnt it romantic? imagine having candlelit dinner under the moonlite, a big bouquet of flowers in ur arms & a box of Ferrero Roche chocolates.Waaahhh...hehe....so nice...so romantic..*pop!* come back to reality, on the big V day, what exactly happen was that... I received my present way earlier than the exact date & had an ordinary dinner at a restaurant the Saturday my partner came back. That was it. *blink blink* I was like...dat's it? was i asking too much? where is the flowers? ok ok, i told him not to buy me any. coz it was so bloody cut throat! i couldnt bare to ask him get one of those will-be-dying thing for me. so i told him, no, no flowers needed. he was so sweet to wish me on the very day itself though he was so tired being 1st day at work after the long CNY holidays. so i thought a romantic dinner will be arranged when he comes back for the weekend or at the very least has something in mind already. I waited so eagerly for the weekend to arrived. but..*sigh* i was wrong..he asked me what do I wanna have for dinner?? Oh God... where should we go?...ok ok...not a big matter..but...at least there's dinner rite? haha..what more do i want? heemmm...i thought it would be so romantic, rite? haha...come to think of it, i might sound so naive, so childish.but...this is my first Valentine with him...just an ordinary dinner for V-day...

Therefore, this make me thinking, are reality really so much different from the scenes in movies? Or am I exagerating my 'romantic dreams'? Or another interesting thing is that, is our Asian males as romantic as their Western counterpart? hehe..I asked some friends' opinion. Some said, "it's true...very true indeed". Some said, "not exactly. It depends on individuals.." But none said, "Nonsense! No such thing!". So guys out there, I'll love so much to hear ur opinions. What do u think? =) Does being romantic, saying those sweet words, etc so geli-fying? Or was it being ego?

      On the other hand, being single isnt that bad at all actually. =) ok ok, let me tell u why. hehe..u dont need to crack ur head on what to buy. Just pamper urself on this special day. indulge in something that u really love doing. therefore, $$$ are flowing out so much. Moreover, u doesnt need to go thru the hassle of buying the gifts, making ur own creative card till late nite (esp. for working ppl like me =P). And if u're single, u wouldnt have any expectation on that day. all this is because u're SINGLE! enjoy urself while u can, singles!! ok ok, i understand that we'll feel left out & mayb lonely, when every where we go, we see couples hugging (& mayb kissing). aaahhh....wat an envy! hello people, I dont mean PDA (Public Display of Affection).

Hehe...so generally people, it's up to u. which do u prefer? like wat the wise always says, everything has its pros & cons. All living thing has yin & yang. There is always a balance in everything. U cant always have everything. Hehe... =)) Guess, I shall end it here. *yawn* It's almost 4 already. Good morning, Malaysia...~ Good nite, Kwee Hoon~

Tribute to a special guy

Today 3/1/2008, for many it may be the first day at school, school or work starts for the new year and bla, bla, bla. However, this very fine date, 3rd of January will always remain part of my yearly dairy as this auspicious date is the day when my little brother was born. Though he left us, but this very date will always be remembered. If he were still here, I'll be busy planning his 22nd birthday for him. What to get for him? Should we buy cake or not? And the usual stuff that we'll normally do on a person's birthday.

       Saddenning, he wasnt here with us. All we could do was to go to the temple & pray for him in the morning. I bought his favourite pizza for him. But so what? what can he do with that? Though it's been for more than a year, I still miss him lots esp. when i have the time to think alone. How could this be? Man, i dont understand also sometimes.

          If he were here, i think we'll be going for for dinner together. then dad would be asking what does he want to have. With his simple personality, I'm sure he'll said, 'Cincai la..anything oso can..' and in the end, i'll be the one choosing on what to eat. But he isnt here with us anymore. Even dinner time with parents now are so quiet. Everyone trying to update each other, but still...it's like a gap is there. I just cant describe it here. It's the feeling that i dont like at all.

         When my brother was still around, birthdays to him was just an ordinary day. He would always hope that his birthdays would fall on a school day. But unfortunately, it doesnt most of the time. And he would always hope that maybe his friends would have celebrated it for him or whatever. Unfortunately, no one bother/ remembered. Poor thing. So for him, the only celebration was with us. He always wished so much his friends would remember it. Not even his close friends. Somehow, some other hi-bye friends would be the one instead to wish him happy birthday. He then would come back & tell us, '...luckily, there's someone who wishes me..' I just dont understand, how come no one could remember his birthday? No, im not blaming anyone here. All i wanted to say was that, he's such a poor boy. But he didnt keep this all in heart. He'll just mentioned it like normal, & totally erase it.

         So, I took my time now to actually write tis in the blog to let u know TC that i do remember ur birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TC! Miss u lots...

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Arrgg...not feeling well lately. Body is getting weak. Maybe becoz age is catching up. Hehe...=P Well..the reason I blog today is because I dont feel good at all. U know what they say,"it's not good to bottle things up"...

Haha let's just put it this way, I'm the kind who's more 'manja' whenever I'm sick. Hehe..*blushed blushed* Ok let get to the point. What does being special mean to us? Special in what way? Does it mean special in the sense of willingness to go miles & miles for just for you? Just recently, me & my friends celebrated another friends birthday @ Klan. (FYI: It's a very nice place to chill out). Guess what? Her boyfriend baked her a cake. =) so sweet,isnt it? Hehe..not all guys can bake okay..haha..so does this sounds special? Hhmmm...it is to me though.

Would any soul goes all out for their partner? Very few I guess. For the fear of being dumped in the future, just in case. Or maybe they dont love their partner as much as to go all out for them. To me, souls whom go all out for their partner is being admired. I like the thoughts of my partner who willingly do so and so for me. But c'mon, there are always slight boundaries between fantasies & reality. So what more can I say? So if it's mixed, then how? Does it mean that it's an expectation? Well....Am I asking too much here? To feel being pampered and all? I dont understand myself sometimes. Am I being too picky or what? Am I being too demanding? Too unreasonable?

I dont expect any fairytale romance or anything like-wise. So how far I stand in his priority list? Seriously, I dont know..I think I shall stop it here before I make situation even worse..It's pretty sad to think about it. And with my condition like this, I dont want to make it even worse with 2 days of MC!! (p.s: dont envy me. it's not nice feeling at all) =(

Confusing....?? : Part II

Sorry for being late in submitting this blog. Being a working adult is not easy man. U dont have enough time to do all the things we used to do in university. Sigh... Ok back to my topic. Well Adrian, I would say it's not easy too becoming a gf. Haha...Let me give u an example: say i think to lineup for some delicious donuts is not silly, but the bf thinks it is. So what can the gf do? Sulk? Just close an eye and forget abt it? Hmm...pretty difficult, I would say. If u sulk too much, it'll sound silly. But if u forget abt it, then...hahaha...=P it's like how come the gal cant have our own opinion? Get what I mean? Hehe...So that's why I said it's not easy too becoming a gf.

Another example is abt waiting. When u're still single, u dont have to wait for anyone. Like or not, we can just go out on our own. But when u have a partner, it's like no matter what, you still have to compromise your time with his. Sometimes, it's not easy too. But this is just life - GIVE & TAKE. And if he turns out late, we cant show faces. He'll be giving you all sort of possible reasons that sometimes you'll think it's a bit lame but cant do anything at all. We cant possibly be waiting for them all time. And if it's the other way round, they will be sulking there all day long. No matter what reasons we gave they'll be thinking it must be the make-up time. Sigh...it's difficult too, Adrian. Hehe...=P Well, i dont know if the rest of the gals are facing this problem, but it's just my opinion. Hehe...

Well I once discussed this topic with a guy friend. The first thing that came out from his mouth was, 'Ms. Kwee Hoon, what do you expect from a relationship? Romance? Good & bad times together? Or wat?' ....hmm...I find it hard to answer him. Romance? which girl doesnt like their bf to be romantic? Hehe..ok, ok of course not all the while la. That I understand, so romance isnt the answer at all. Sharing good & bad times together? Hehe...obviously! But it's very subjective still. How do you define good &bad times? In the end, I think it's all abt the couple themselves. For me, I like it simple. As long as we are happy together, then everything is fine for me. Obviously he has to treat me well. Hehe..Can I ask for more? =P

But my friend continue asking, 'treating u well meaning? putting u as his priority?' as his priority?? well, who doesnt like being treated as the top priority? but being a realist, we also have to consider the commitment our partners have. So as for me (now), i dont know where exactly I stand in my bf's heart. Hehe..But he treats me well. No complain here k. Dont misunderstood me. Sometimes, i might be complaining at certain small stuff. But..hehe..blame it on my moodiness. Haha.. =P Usually, i wont complain to him. I'll just pour it out to my chi muis (thanks alot for being there, babes!! =)). Then things will be much better, as in my feelings. I dont know if it's good or bad in not letting my bf know abt my feelings sometimes. But i dont want to trouble him. Dont know if it's right or not..hehe..=P Kindly advise or share your experiences.

Confusing....?? : Part I

Hehe...Just as I was browsing thru for nice comments/ graphics for the Birthday boys & girls, I found this is zwani.com. Hehe... "Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot". Hehe...=) Guess it answers to my previous post. Hihi...Anyhow, thanks too to Ah Ho, Elaine & Adrian for such a lovely comments. Ah Ho was right when he said that it's better to know less at times. I truly agree with him. Hehe...Actually, this has remain as my philosophy ever since I went to Sabah. Haha...Ermm..well, I suppose we'll just remain it as a history. Hee...

Elaine gave an even better comment: that everyone HAS a history that shapes them to be whom they are today. And I supposed she feels that I was lacking in my self-confidence. Well...in a way, Elaine is right. If I'm confident enough about myself, then why would I care so much about it? Aint it true? Hehe...Another thing that Laine emphasized is on thrust. Yes, I agree with her as the main ingredient of a successful relationship is based on thrust. I trust him, yes I do. Oh God, Laine, u're so much more mature than me! Hahaha...Thanx a lot man! Gosh...Hehe...I guess, when we're in love everything will turn topssy turvvy...Haha...Erm, wonder if I'm right or not..=P

Meanwhile, Adrian has quite a nice topic that he has brought up. Hehe...Thanx Ant! Didnt know u'll read my blog. Coz mine is so lousy as compared to urs. Hehe...=P Great job, Ant! Ok, ok...I quote Ant: It is hard being a girl, equally hard to be a boy with a girlfriend hahaha...Though I'm a girl, but I was forced to agree with u, however it'll be partially agreed. =P

Ok I'll tell u all abt the outcome of my previous post ya. Hehe...I choose to see the pictures. It's a decision that wasnt that right. Haha...but what is done is done ya. Hehe...Curiosity really kills the cat! And this proverb is absolutely true in my case. Out of curiosity, I took the courage to see it. Haha..madness...We shall leave the details behind & I will just update u abt what I think after that. It's like I sort of regretting my actions. Wish so much to turn back time. I wish that I didnt see those pics. That's the reason why I agreed fully to the quote-of-the-day. Hahaha....=P I wish I'd never knew so much, has more confidence in myself & it's equally hard for my bf. =P Haha...poor thing. If only, I choose not to see those pics.

Ok, so here is where I'm gonna share my views abt what Adrian had mentioned. Well people, u see, being concern as a friend & being concern as a gf is totally different. I dont know for the rest, but for me, it's like that. Let me give u an example: We'll start with the role as a friend first. Ok, as a pal, half way chatting with the other party and he/she suddenly tells u that he/she has something going on (nothing urgent actually, eg. playing games), would u feel upset? No rite? Ok, u'll tell them, '...it's ok, we'll chat some other time...' . Am I rite? But being the gf, u are excited to chat with him to update him on your daily stuff. And halfway thru he stopped u, telliing dat it's time for his games. What would u feel then? Hehehe...so u get what I mean? =P But like what Adrian (a.k.a Ant) said, it's equally hard for the guy who has a gf too! I do agree with him too! What if u suddenly cant do something u like just because u have ur the other half? isnt it ridiculous? Hehe...Something to ponder....

*to be continued.....

Mid-Autumn Festival

Yeeaaaa...!!! Mooncake Festival is just around the corner. I alwiz like this time of the year. I just dont know why. Hehe...=P  Walking around the neighbourhood, eating mooncakes n drinking tea is so, so fun. Haha...seems like mesmerizing my childhood again. This year the Mid-Autumn / Mooncake Festival will falls on Sept 25.

Well, after browsing thru the origins of mooncake festive, this is what I'd found. Check it out:

According to...http://kevdesign.com/midautumnfestival/china.htm

"...... The August Moon Festival is often called the Women's Festival. The moon (Chinese character on right) symbolizes elegance and beauty. While Westerners worship the sun (yang or male) for its power, people in the Far East admire the moon. The moon is the 'yin' or female principle and it is a trusted friend. Chinese parents often name their daughters after the moon, in hope that they will be as lovely as the moon.

In fact, many ancient August Moon folktales are about a moon maiden. On the 15th night of the 8th lunar moon, little children on earth can see a lady on the moon. And on this magical occasion, children who make wishes to the Lady on the Moon will find their dreams come true.

Families get together to eat mooncakes and celebrate the end of the harvest season. Scholars write poems about the moon. This night is also made for romantic rendezvous. Friendships are made and renewed.... "

Another source from Hong Kong was saying that the origin of it was unknown (http://www.regit.com/hongkong/festival/mooncake.htm)

" This festival is also known as the Moon Cake Festival because a special kind of sweet cake (yueh ping) prepared in the shape of the moon and filled with sesame seeds, ground lotus seeds and duck eggs is served as a traditional Chung Chiu delicacy. Nobody actually knows when the custom of eating moon cake of celebrate the Moon Festival began, but one relief traces its origin to the 14th century. At the time, China was in revolt against the Mongols. Chu Yuen-chang, and his senior deputy, Liu Po-wen, discussed battle plan and developes a secret moon cake strategy to take a certain walled city held by the Mongol enemy. Liu dressed up as a Taoist priest and entered the besieged city bearing moon cake. He distributed these to the city's populace. When the time for the year's Chung Chiu festival arrived, people opened their cakes and found hidden messages advising them to coordinate their uprising with the troops outside. Thus, the emperor-to-be ingeniously took the city and his throne. Moon cake of course, became even more famous. Whether this sweet Chinese version of ancient Europe's "Trojan Horse" story is true, no one really known..."

And....*taa daa....* from Wikipedia & look for Mid-Autumn Festival!!

" The Mid-Autumn Festival is a popular Asian celebration of abundance and togetherness, dating back over 3,000 years to China's Zhou Dynasty. The Mid-Autumn Festival falls on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month of the Chinese calendar (usually around mid- or late-September in the Gregorian calendar), a date that parallels the Autumn Equinox of the solar calendar. This is the ideal time, when the moon is at its fullest and brightest, to celebrate the abundance of the summer's harvest. The traditional food of this festival is the mooncake, of which there are many different varieties.

......Farmers celebrate the end of the summer harvesting season on this date. Traditionally, on this day, Chinese family members and friends will gather to admire the bright mid-autumn harvest moon, and eat moon cakes and pomeloes together."

Wow!! Couldnt wait for that man! Hehe...=P wonder how my gang will be celebrating it? Hmmm...sounds so interesting. To be continued......At the mean time, enjoy these pics. =P

 

Should I or should I not?

By looking at the time (12.53am) I should be sleeping by now especially when tomorrow is a working day. Not that I could not sleep but something is bothering me. So I thought might as well just blog it down then to make my white hair grow more...Haha...=P

Well, the thing that has been bothering me about someone's history. Is history really that important? Ok ok, u must be wondering what the h*ll this kwee hoon wanna say?? Haha..to make a long story short, i borrowed my bf's laptop the other day. I was so tempted to see his pics. Though he might not know it anyway, if I see those pics without asking him at all, I asked anyway. hehe...U all must be thinking dat's I wont make a good thief or spy. Hahaha...But i just feel bad to invade in other people's privacy. So I make it a point to ask him, & he gave me the go. Yeaahhh!!

But wait a moment! I paused for quite sometime. What happen if i see something that wasnt meant for me to see? Something like he & his ex? What will i feel then? I'm pretty sure that I'll be upset...=( But hey...I reasoned to myself, everyone has a history. It's already a past. Btt being a gal, haha...well..ermm...you should know la rite? Dont need me to elaborate further. Hehe...=P

Ok, I physcho-ed myself, telling, '...it's all over. He's now with u...' But when I saw those pics, I couldnt help but felt...ermm....sad?..jealous?...upset?...ermm...dont know how to describe that feeling. Yet at the same time, I knew pretty well that it wasnt his fault. It's his history already, darling girl. But...at the same time, I was like...well...mixed feelings. Heemmm...so people, do u think I should see or not? Wont it be better sometimes, if we dont know about something too much? I always think that way. And many incident has proven me rite. Seriously. When we dont go and dig much, we dont care much about it. However, when we knew it, oh God, pls bless me. Haha...weird huh? Or it's just me alone behaving like that? I know this kinda feelings will spoil my relationship with him, which I dont want it to happen. But i just cant help myself.

However, I was relief when he told me just now that, '...all that matter is i'm with u now...' It's true...haiii...it's pretty hard at times to be a girl. If i have a choice, I wouldnt want to be one. I'll choose to be a guy. A guy. Moreover, my family need now is a guy, instead of a girl. Mom & dad would be more happy to have a guy. Ok ok, dont get misunderstood. Not that my parents are treating me bad. No, no! They love me lots. Actually, even when TC (my bro) was around, I was treated better than him! Haha...Poor TC! hai...but he's not here now. That's why, I'll say my parents need a son rather than a girl. Ok ok, I might be conservative but it's facts that I'm talking about.

So how? Should I or should I not? Kindly advise. I dont believe in snooping around. But...haha....guess u know what i meant. Hopefully, my bf doesnt find my blog here. Hehe..=P but he's kinda open minded, so i guess he wont mind la. Not say, I'm cheating on him or what. Hehe...I asked his permission okay? And it's granted! Haha...Hai...life...how I wish, I'm still a kid. Hehehe..problems-free, stress-free...hai...

Okay la, got to go. Chiouz...Haha...something like wat TC use to say b4 leaving.Got to sleep already. 1.18am. Tomorrow my drs will be seeing a Malaysian panda!! haha...kd! Take care~

History....

Well, well...seems like it's been quite a long time since i last blogged. Hmm...pretty much busy with work, social life and etc. Hehehe...seriously! The moment i though of typing in this blog, I'll tend to get lazy. So in the end, just brush aside the idea..Haha..Sorry...

Life is improving, after all those tragedy that happened to me. But it's not like we strike lottery or whatsover. No, no... it's just that i got myself a decent job, parents arent so gloomy lately, etc. However, there was one thing that made me wrote this. I just dont know why I'll have the urge to blog in here today.

Well, it's like this. It all started when i read a friend's blog. Then suddenly, this feeling came to me the moment i read it. I just dont know why. As in, I know everyone will have a history. But when i read the history of this friend way back to 2004, something strike me. I started thinking to myself, is it better not knowing something in the past rather than knowing it? I couldnt help thinking abt it at all. Upon reading this friend's blog, I'm like....feeling a bit regretted. Ok, before opening this blog, I'd already warned myself. After reading it, I compared the current situation with the past. I felt a bit upset. But hey, i told myself, it's already a history. Why should i bother so much abt it? Shouldnt i be appreciative abt what happen now?i'm much more luckier to have enjoy moments with this friend. Just dont understand why i'll feel so bad about it...

Haha..maybe to some of u out there, u might understand what i meant. But to those who doesnt, I'm sorry...I dun think i want to continue blogging now. Maybe to sleep with it is the best solution. Better not create any problem.=( Take care pals. Any thing just share it with me. =) Sayonara~ Till we meet again.

Just feelings..

It's been almost more than a year already that he passed away. I still cant believe it. Sometimes, i still feel quite shaken by the tragic news. I knew pretty well that we cant take things for granted now. How come, till now only i truly understand the real meaning of taking someone for granted?? Only when i had lost someone whom i think 'wasnt' precious to me..it's pretty saddening. My sis n friends told me not to think abt it anymore. Keep on going with life. But who will really knows what exactly happen in my heart?

That day, i watched 'Spiderman 3' with my friends. Out of a sudden, I was feeling so so devastated. I felt as if i were in Peter Parker's situation when he was trying to take revenge for his demised uncle. I really felt like killing the bloody b*****d! No words can ever describe my anger. I really felt the lost. That particular night, i was extremely sad. Seemed do not know what to do..Felt weird...Where's my bro? Where's the guy whom I would alwiz go to whenever i wanna vent out my feelings? Where is he now? I couldnt help it but wish to have someone there..But i couldnt find anyone..There wasnt anyone in my mind except for u, my beloved bro, TC. I wished so much to hug someone at that particular time. To cry things out...But no one was there for me, TC...No one.. If only TC were here in this world, my life would be so much more happier. I'm now earning my own money d, bro. I tot u will be here to help share 'use' up my money...But where are u? Remember, before i graduated, I wished so much to earn a lot of money, so that i can buy many stuff for u, dad n mom. However now...It's saddening sometimes, when i see sisters buying things for their bro...I wish TC, dat u r here...I wanna buy things for u. Trully...

Before u passed away TC, I felt so happy when i bought the pants for u..I dont mind to spend 100+ for the pair of pants. I really dont mind. I'm very happy that u appreciated it very much..glad to see the happiness in u. u only wore the pants for special occasion. Make that pants the special ones. That was the happiness that couldnt be described. But now, how could i ever had that feeling again? How could i ever feel the happiness of buying things for siblings? I wish so much u were here. ..I really wish!! I admit since i started working, i hadnt much time to think of u as i'm pretty busy with my work. But once in a while, ur presence is alwiz felt whenever ppl mentioned of bros or anything concern with u...

I wish somehow that u are never gone from this world. i wish u were here with me...seriously...i really cant replace u in daddy's & mom's heart..No never...Just wish that u were here with us. The home seemed quiet without ur teasing & laughter...How i wish u are really here with us...I really do..I dont mind u being naughty..I dont mind ur mischievous act. I dont mind u teasing me. I dont mind u calling me 'fat sis'. I dont mind. I wont care n i promise not to scold u...provided u come back to us. I promise, i will not ill treat u. I promise will share with u some of my earnings. I promise, to take care of u. will u ever come back if i do all those? will u? i promise not to shout at u or call u names. will u?

I pray for ur happiness, TC. Do take good care up there. I wonder if u will ever still remember me in our next life..No matter wat it is, I pray & hope u will. No one can ever replace ur position in my heart...Love u lots bro..Anything u 'need' up there, just let me 'know' k?

Love very much,

sis